C
campaign contribution
1. The patriotic support of the Republican Party by corporations and wealthy individuals in the form of large sums of money given to promote the well being of our nation and freedom throughout the world. Such donations are given without any intention whatsoever of receiving favorable legislation in return, and any legislation that happens to be favorable to donating parties is purely a coincidence.
See also: law, soft money |
campaign finance reform
1. A wicked agenda advanced by Liberals and some traitorous Republicans designed to deny freedom of speech from some of our most beloved citizens such as Enron, Exxon Mobil, and AT&T who happen practice their freedom of speech by writing enormous checks to politicians. |
capitalism
1. An economic system in which production operates free of government control in order for market forces, such as public demand and competition, to encourage efficiency, innovation, and quality in industry. Such a separation between government and business is best achieved in America when corporations finance the careers of politicians in return for government financial assistance and laws designed to increase their profits. Corporate accountability to market forces is best achieved by limiting their legal liability from demands made by the public, and becoming as large as possible through endless mergers in order to construct monopolies and enjoy immunity from competition.
Suggested article: Elites, Thought Providers, and Rabble Irregulars: The One-Sided Class War in Modern America |
capital punishment
1. The penalty of death handed down to murderers in a court of law, which may include several phases of punishment including a forced confession brought on by police brutality, inadequate public defense, fraudulent testimony by corrupt police or strong-armed witnesses, corrupt prosecution, a limited appeals process, and of course, the actual death penalty imposed on the accused. |
casualty
1. A unit measure of freedom. As casualties increase, freedom increases.
2. The death or injury of a U.S. or foreign soldier, or foreign civilian. Casualties are so disturbing to the public mind that the U.S. government must take all action necessary to prevent the sight and even knowledge of them from reaching Americans in order to preserve support for the war at hand.
See also: collateral damage |
character
1. The make up of an individual's personality. A person with good or strong character is thought to have courage, honor, integrity, and resolve. |
Cheney, Richard "Dick"
1. The Vice President of the United States under President George W. Bush. Vice President Cheney is a close and quiet confidant of the president who frequently seeks Bush's guidance on how to conduct his job and what policies to pursue. Cheney is so dependent on President Bush's intelligence and experience that some consider him unqualified for his position.
Suggested article: Dick Cheney and the Business of Government |
Christianity
1. The one true religion, the strict obedience of which is the only way for a soul to enter the eternal paradise of Heaven. All who refuse to accept Christianity into their hearts are condemned to spend eternity in the tortuous agony of Hell. This horrible fate is shared by Islamic terrorsits, former Christians, and unfortunately newborn children of other cultures who were never baptized nor had a chance to see the 700 Club on television and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
See also: The Bible |
CIA
1. The Central Intelligence Agency. The agency of the federal government charged with the purpose of gathering foreign intelligence that best reflects the policy positions, beliefs, and assumptions of the Bush Administration, while downplaying or ignoring all conflicting intelligence. To ensure the CIA is fulfilling this purpose, close supervision by the vice president may be required, as may be the outing of certain covert agents whose husbands fail to support Bush Administration claims.
See also: Office of Special Plans |
civil rights (and civil liberties)
1. Rights and liberties of citizens protected by their government, sometimes from incursion by the government itself, such as the right to vote, due process of law, and freedom of speech, some of which may prove to be quaint in a post 9-11 world.
See also: equal rights |
class warfare
1. A campaign by many greedy and ungrateful middle and lower class Americans who lack the maturity to be content with their place in life, and so seek to create unwarranted class conflict by pondering the reasons why the United States has the highest poverty levels of any developed country, why the richest 1% own 50% of the nation's financial wealth, and why middle and lower class real income continues to fall while that of the rich continues to rise.
Suggested article: Elites, Thought Providers, and Rabble Irregluars: The One-Sided Class War in Modern America |
Clear Channel Communications
1. A massive media corporation which controls a substantial amount of radio stations and other media, proudly offering fair and balanced news and commentary like Rush Limbaugh to millions of Americans. Like many large corporations, Clear Channel makes a special effort to support the United States in various ways, such as banning inappropriate music after 9-11 and censoring bands who criticize President Bush. Clear Channel also owns thousands of billboards that, when not under lease, may patriotically display an attractive portrait of George W. Bush and a reminder that he is "Our Leader". |
climate change
See global warming |
Clinton, Hillary
1. Former First Lady and now a U.S. senator from New York, Hillary Clinton is thought to have been a strong influence on her husband Bill Clinton during his tenure as president. Hillary Clinton is also suspected of having presidential aspirations, shamelessly taking advantage of her powerful family ties to achieve an unlikely and undeserved political career. |
Clinton, William "Bill"
1. Liberal president of the United States preceding George W. Bush whose administration's policies are directly responsible for the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, economic recession, rise in unemployment, corporate accounting scandals, torture of prisoners in U.S. custody, the record national debt, and all other unfortunate events that have occurred during the presidency of George W. Bush. |
Coalition of the Willing
1. The coalition formed of over forty national governments, most of which having the courage to defy the will of their citizens, to confront the threat posed by Saddam Hussein. The nations comprising the coalition joined together after their own completely uninfluenced review of the Iraq situation prompted them to ally with the United States in its mission to topple Saddam's regime. The coalition included Britain, Australia, Spain, and many independent nations that are dependent on U.S. foreign aid.
See also: Europe, Operation Iraqi Freedom |
collateral damage
1. Death and injury endured by foreign women, children, the elderly, and other potential enemies of the United States through the course of military strikes against current enemies of the United States.
2. A necessary preemptive strike against people who might one day threaten the United States.
3. Casualties happily accepted by innocent people through the course of their liberation. |
communism
1. The most infamous branch of socialism, as it tends to advocate revolution, hatred of America, and the erection of statues of scary bald men with goatees in order to overthrow capitalism. |
compassionate conservatism
1. A redundant term needed to remind the American public that conservatism is, of course, compassionate, despite how their lives might have actually been affected by conservative government policies. |
Congress
1. The legislative body of government made up of representatives from all fifty states charged with the purpose of passing laws conceived and written by the Bush Administration. |
Constitution, The
1. The founding document of our nation, the specific contents of which are unimportant, wherein the Founding Fathers declared their purpose to establish a Christian nation, facilitate corporate profit, further increase the wealth of the super-rich, and reach out to other nations with diplomacy and military force to achieve the same promise for the entire world. |
contraceptive
See birth control |
corporate accountability
1. The admirable willingness of corporate executives to express regret after personally profiting from events beyond their control such as the defrauding of their employees and investors, destruction of the natural environment, and harm to the health of their workers and communities, which are invariably conducted without their knowledge by invisible and forever unnamed corporate underlings. |
corporate think tank
See think tank |
corporation
1. A type of business construct designed to maximize profit while limiting liability. A corporation has all the rights of a person under law, but has no moral or ethical concerns beyond the obligation to make the largest profit possible. Hence, popular methods of maximizing profit include providing poor products and services, low wages for workers, limited or nonexistent worker benefits, inadequate pollution controls and product safety testing, outsourcing labor operations to foreign countries, defrauding employees and investors, and lobbying government to ensure the acceptance of any number of profit-making ventures such as no-bid government contracts and mega-mergers with other corporations to form monopolies. In short, the backbone of a successful free and capitalist society. |
courage
1. The willingness to support a war without ever questioning its purpose or being negatively affected by its aftermath. |
coward
1. A politician unwilling to send other people's children to their deaths in a war without first seeking alternatives.
2. A person, regardless of life experience or military record, who is unwilling to support a war initiated under Republican leadership. |
Creationism
See intelligent design |
crisis
1. Any circumstance inconvenient to the U.S. government or Republican Party donors while in pursuit of world oil resources or brokerage fees for private social security accounts.
2. A vicious attack on Republicans which may at first appear as a trivial situation, but will eventually energize the Republican base and justify a counterattack, such as the obstruction of judges and the utterance of "happy holidays". |
cut and run
1. The act of adapting a military strategy to best fit current circumstances in order to facilitate a more expedient withdrawal of soldiers. |
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